katikat | Fic: USS New York

Title: USS New York
Author:

katikat
Rating: PG-13
Genre and/or Pairing: AU, Crack, set in the Star Trek universe
Spoilers: None at all!
Warnings: Crack
Word Count: ~530
Summary: Peter is the captain of the Federation ship USS New York. Neal is his Betazoid councilor. Neal has the tendency to drive Peter up the wall. 'nough said.
Notes: Not to be taken seriously at all. A big thanks to

yami_tai for her beta!

The doorbell chimed and after Neal's cheerful "Come in!", the door whooshed open admitting Peter Burke, the captain of the Federation ship USS New York.

"Neal, I need you to... Oh my God, you are naked again!" the captain exclaimed, turning his back to the Betazoid councilor.

Neal grinned, adding another brush stroke to the painting he was working on - a copy of the famous Mona Lisa, a fine piece of art he had had the chance to see the last time they were on Earth. "Of course I'm naked, Peter! It's my day off. You know that I prefer wearing no clothes when I don't have to - they are so... constraining!" He shuddered delicately.

Still standing with his back to Neal, Peter threw his hands up. "I know that! How could I not! But I have asked you, asked you several times in fact, not to open your door in the nude!" he said, exasperated.

Neal sighed. "You humans are incredibly prudish."

"We are not prudes--"

"Shy then?" Neal interrupted cheekily.

"What? No! We just don't need to ogle each other naked!" Peter huffed.

Neal raised an eyebrow and turned to his captain. "You see Elizabeth naked," he pointed out.

"That's different! She's my wife!"

"Ah!" Neal said, waving the paintbrush around. "Holy matrimony! If you made me your mate too, would it be okay for me to walk around naked?"

"My what?" Peter asked, forgetting himself and turning around. When he got an eyeful of Neal's naked glory, he slapped a hand over his eyes. "I won't dignify that with an answer. Go, get dressed!" He waved his free hand.

Sighing again, Neal set his palette aside and walked towards his wardrobe. "You know, Peter, sometimes I wonder how the human race has survived this long. How do you even procreate with so many inhibitions?" He shook his head, pulling out a piece of clothing.

"We manage very well, thank you very much!" Peter retorted. "And didn't I tell you not to call me by name? It might have escaped your notice but I'm the captain of this vessel!"

"Huh?" Neal responded distractedly.

Peter sighed tiredly. "Never mind that. Ready?" he asked warily, hand still clasped over his eyes.

"Yes!" came the amused answer.

Taking his hand down slowly, Peter peeked over his fingers. "What the hell is that?" he asked in disbelief.

Neal looked down at himself in confusion. "What?"

Peter pointed, then gestured up and down to encompass the whole of Neal and the shimmering, silvery suit that hugged him like a second skin. "I told you to get dressed! Not..." he waved his hand, "naked in clothes!"

Neal frowned. "Peter, I'm covered from my neck down to my toes!" he said exasperated, then turned to the floor to ceiling mirror he brought with him when he had joined the crew. "Besides, this is the latest fashion on Betazed!"

Peter hung his head in resignation. "Whatever! I need you to look at something..."

Turning to him, Neal grinned. "Lead the way, oh, captain, my captain!"

"Somebody, kill me now," Peter muttered and headed for the door, the councilor on his heels.

The End