Fic: USS New York - WhiCo

[katikat]

Title: USS New York
Author: katikat
Rating: PG-13
Genre and/or Pairing: AU, Crack, set in the Star Trek universe
Spoilers: None at all!
Warnings: Crack
Word Count: ~530
Summary: Peter is the captain of the Federation ship USS New York. Neal is his Betazoid councilor. Neal has the tendency to drive Peter up the wall. 'nough said.
Notes: Not to be taken seriously at all. A big thanks to yami_tai for her beta!


The doorbell chimed and after Neal's cheerful "Come in!", the door whooshed open admitting Peter Burke, the captain of the Federation ship USS New York.

"Neal, I need you to... Oh my God, you are naked again!" the captain exclaimed, turning his back to the Betazoid councilor.

Neal grinned, adding another brush stroke to the painting he was working on - a copy of the famous Mona Lisa, a fine piece of art he had had the chance to see the last time they were on Earth. "Of course I'm naked, Peter! It's my day off. You know that I prefer wearing no clothes when I don't have to - they are so... constraining!" He shuddered delicately.

Still standing with his back to Neal, Peter threw his hands up. "I know that! How could I not! But I have asked you, asked you several times in fact, not to open your door in the nude!" he said, exasperated.

Neal sighed. "You humans are incredibly prudish."

"We are not prudes--"

"Shy then?" Neal interrupted cheekily.

"What? No! We just don't need to ogle each other naked!" Peter huffed.

Neal raised an eyebrow and turned to his captain. "You see Elizabeth naked," he pointed out.

"That's different! She's my wife!"

"Ah!" Neal said, waving the paintbrush around. "Holy matrimony! If you made me your mate too, would it be okay for me to walk around naked?"

"My what?" Peter asked, forgetting himself and turning around. When he got an eyeful of Neal's naked glory, he slapped a hand over his eyes. "I won't dignify that with an answer. Go, get dressed!" He waved his free hand.

Sighing again, Neal set his palette aside and walked towards his wardrobe. "You know, Peter, sometimes I wonder how the human race has survived this long. How do you even procreate with so many inhibitions?" He shook his head, pulling out a piece of clothing.

"We manage very well, thank you very much!" Peter retorted. "And didn't I tell you not to call me by name? It might have escaped your notice but I'm the captain of this vessel!"

"Huh?" Neal responded distractedly.

Peter sighed tiredly. "Never mind that. Ready?" he asked warily, hand still clasped over his eyes.

"Yes!" came the amused answer.

Taking his hand down slowly, Peter peeked over his fingers. "What the hell is that?" he asked in disbelief.

Neal looked down at himself in confusion. "What?"

Peter pointed, then gestured up and down to encompass the whole of Neal and the shimmering, silvery suit that hugged him like a second skin. "I told you to get dressed! Not..." he waved his hand, "naked in clothes!"

Neal frowned. "Peter, I'm covered from my neck down to my toes!" he said exasperated, then turned to the floor to ceiling mirror he brought with him when he had joined the crew. "Besides, this is the latest fashion on Betazed!"

Peter hung his head in resignation. "Whatever! I need you to look at something..."

Turning to him, Neal grinned. "Lead the way, oh, captain, my captain!"

"Somebody, kill me now," Peter muttered and headed for the door, the councilor on his heels.

The End

Comments

[asimaiyat.livejournal.com]

When I saw the header on my friends' page, I had to read it over a few times before I could believe that this universe was a good enough place for this to actually exist.

I was not disappointed. :D

Betazoid!Neal is an awesome choice. I sort of want to know what everybody else's rank, track etc is -- Admiral Hughes? Science Officer Diana? OH MY GOD VULCAN MOZZIE.

ahem.

[ursula4x.livejournal.com]

Betazoid!Neal is an awesome choice. I sort of want to know what everybody else's rank, track etc is -- Admiral Hughes? Science Officer Diana? OH MY GOD VULCAN MOZZIE

Klingon Jones...Yes!

Orion green woman Cruz

Romulan Kate

I'm not sure if Moz wouldn't be Ferengi.

[asimaiyat.livejournal.com]

I am so sad right now that I can't do manips.

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Ha, Romulan Kate. And Ferengi Moz! That one would be awesome.

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Betazoid was the obvious choice for Neal! But I think that Diana would be Peter's 2IC, his "Number One". El? Hm, engineering, keeping the ship running!

Happy you liked the ficlet! 8)

[davincis-girl.livejournal.com]

This is brilliant crack! Off to rec to friends now.

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. I had so much fun writing it :P

[mercilynn]

♥ ♥

Very very awesome m'dear.

So. Epic battle of flirting between Neal and Jim Kirk (Star Trek XI version)... who wins?

[asimaiyat.livejournal.com]

Everybody wins. :D

[elainasaunt.livejournal.com]

Word.

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Thank you *bows* Neal and Kirk? They would try to one-up each other until a very annoyed Peter and a very pissed Bones would drag the one and the other away!

[ursula4x.livejournal.com]

Oh, God! You made the Geek come out in me so bad!

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Geeks should unite! *high-fives*

[doctorsgirl26.livejournal.com]

lol! I absolutely love this! I am a Trekkie and a White Collar fan so this was right up my alley! Neal as a betazoid is GENIUS!

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Can you imagine Neal as anyone but a Betazoid? The way he dresses and flirts...

[misura.livejournal.com]

*cackles* This is definitely the good kind of crack. And Neal is totally enjoying making Peter squirm and lose his cool far too much - although I'm sure that when the situation calls for it, he's a great councilor. (Um. Yes?)

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Of course he is. He's AWESOME! That's why Peter's so baffled - Neal is so good with people in general, with children and victims... So why is he determined to give Peter and only Peter premature grey hair with his antics?

[egalitarianmuse.livejournal.com]

You made me so glad for coming to whitecollarfic tonight. I love these two fandoms and you combined them hilariously. Betazoid Neal for the win.

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I bet that Neal would relish in being a Betazoid. There should be a fic where Peter and Neal would talk about Star Trek, about what alien species they would be and Neal would go all "Oh, I would be Betazoid!" all proud. And Peter would snort, "No kidding!"

[wpadmirer.livejournal.com]

I do so enjoy the way you can carry their personalities and 'voices' over into other universes!

WP

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm having so much fun just transplanting them and figuring out what they would do, how they would react!

[byrons-brain.livejournal.com]

heheheh, brilliant! please tell me they'll be more...

::begs::

[katikat.livejournal.com]

*g* I'm glad you liked the fic. Though I have no idea how it could be continued. It was just a snippet that popped up in my head :P

[gottalovev.livejournal.com]

I love your prude Peter! lol! great fun!

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Hehe, I think that Betazoid!Neal would give Peter an apoplexy!

[springwoof.livejournal.com]

Boldly going where no crackfic has gone before....

this was hilarious and awesome! I'm still cackling and wiping tears of laughter from my eyes...

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Hehe, thank you! I had such a blast writing this fic. Peter and Neal and their banter, they just write themselves!

[neptuneskisses.livejournal.com]

This is absolute genius! Especially loved Neal in his shimmering silver all-in-one :D

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I had so much fun writing it, their voices simply stood out for me :P