Fic: Where the Grass Is Wet With Tears - WhiCo

[katikat]

Title: Where the Grass Is Wet With Tears
Author: katikat
Rating: PG
Genre and/or Pairing: Neal/Kate, Peter/El
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Sad, Death of a recurring character
Word Count: ~630
Summary: Grief has many forms...
Notes: A big thank you to oddmonster and elrhiarhodan for their beta job! Any remaining mistakes are mine.


Peter was about to leave the house when the Marshal's office called to tell him that Neal had left his perimeter. He didn't cut his anklet, he just left his two miles radius and kept going. Slowly. He wasn't running, just walking, removing himself farther and farther from where he should be. And Peter suspected he knew where he was going - it wouldn't be the first time, after all.

"I know where he's headed," Peter told the operator tiredly and assured her that he didn't need any back-up. Not for dealing with Neal, never with him. And especially not these days.

*-*-*-*

Peter's gut was right. Once he spotted Neal, he called the Marshal's office again and confirmed that he had found the subject and had taken him into custody. The operator didn't need to know that taking Neal into custody meant taking him home and making sure he was warm and safe.

Peter walked slowly among the headstones, wet grass squelching under his shoes. The graveyard was quiet this early in the morning, the mist and drizzle and patches of snow here and there not at all inviting for a morning visit. He had a blanket bundled under his arm - he knew he would need it.

Neal was in his usual spot, sitting on the cold, wet ground by the still fresh grave, heedless of the rainwater and mud soaking his expensive pants and dirtying his shoes. The drizzle plastered his hair to his head and spiked his lashes, making his big blue eyes appear even larger in his pale face. His lips were moving and as Peter came closer, he caught some of the whispered words.

"... will go sailing, just as I promised you," Neal was saying while he ran his long fingers down the head stone, over the name engraved in gold lettering. "... see the sky and... show you how beautiful..."

Neal kept on whispering, his eyes looking in the distance, as Peter stepped closer then crouched down in front of him. "Neal?" Peter whispered gently.

Neal fell silent, then blinked once and once more before looking straight at Peter. His lips were turning blue. "Peter?" he croaked.

Peter smiled sadly at him. "Hey." He shook out the blanket and laid it over Neal's shoulders, bundling him in it and running his hands up and down his upper arms to rub some warmth back into them.

Neal looked around, appearing lost. "Did I... Did I blank out again?" he asked in a small voice.

Peter patted his his wet hair, turning the touch into an affectionate stroking. "Yeah, buddy, yeah, you did."

Neal huddled in the blanket, lowering his eyes. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Peter said, smiling reassuringly.

Neal sighed, white steam puffing from his mouth. "No, it's not," he said. "Peter, I..." He looked up at him again. "I think I'm losing my mind," Neal admitted.

Peter's heart ached. What should he say to that? They both knew that there was something very wrong with Neal. "No, you're not losing it. You just... misplaced a tiny part, is all." He smiled warmly.

Neal didn't respond to Peter's smile with one of his own like he usually did. He swallowed hard. "Maybe... maybe I need help finding it again?" he asked uncertainly.

Running his fingers down Neal's cool cheek, Peter nodded. "Yeah, maybe."

Neal nodded too, slowly, trusting Peter even if he couldn't trust himself.

A few minutes later, they left the graveyard together, Peter helping Neal walk on cold stiffened legs. They headed for the car and for the warmth and safety of Peter and El's home, while the drizzle continued washing over the marble headstone Peter had helped Neal choose, filling the carved, golden letters reading Kate Moreau.

The End

Comments

[dawnie1970.livejournal.com]

Moody, sad, and lovely. Poor Neal, his pain is palpable in this, and Peter's kindness and goodness shines like a beacon. Gorgeous, darling.

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you so much for your kind words. I think that Kate's such a big part of Neal's life - even though we don't really see it on the show - that losing her would break something essential in Neal...

[whitecollarfan.livejournal.com]

Aw... :(

As much as I want her story line to be done I have to remember Neal loves her and thought she was the one. Losing her (one way or another) is going to hurt like hell...

[katikat.livejournal.com]

I agree. I want her storyline to be over too.

You know, I think that only through Kate being really gone - as in dead - could we get what she meant to Neal, through Neal's reaction to her death. And I think that that would be the moment when Peter would understand what Kate meant to Neal too.

[amycat1959.livejournal.com]

"I want her storyline to be over too..."

Amen to that. I think it's clear that Kate does NOT love Neal...
(::bitch-slaps Kate for being a loveless manipulator::)
...but that Neal DOES love Kate (even though the bitch doesn't deserve him). So, if she dies, he'll be hurt.
(::hugs Woobie!Neal::)
Peter and El, of course, will be there to help Neal...

[ursula4x.livejournal.com]

This was very beautiful. Much as I dislike Kate and the trouble she brings Neal, he does love her.

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

I think that Neal's love for Kate is something that Peter just doesn't get. El tried to explain it to him in the pilot but I think that he still doesn't get it, not really.

[jrosemary.livejournal.com]

I love Peter here and his gentle care of Neal. I love Neal's willingness to accept his friend's help and his acknowledgement that he's not quite ok after Kate's death.

Well done!

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I hope that the Peter we know from the show would react the same way if something happened to Neal, something that Peter couldn't fix, where he could just pick up the pieces.

[photoash.livejournal.com]

Such lush imagery - I really like how the weather echoed the somber mood. Neal potentially losing it a bit with Kate's death does seem plausible - especially if her death was particularly tragic.

That he needs help and can't trust himself :( oh Neal *cuddles*!

Are you considering writing a follow-up to this?

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I can't even imagine how Neal would react to Kate's death on the show. I mean, she's his anchor, even though nobody but El seems to understand that.

And I'm not sure if I'll continue it. It might ruin the mood that was set in this ficlet. But maybe a short time stamp?

[photoash.livejournal.com]

I think that a writer could justify a bunch of different reactions to Kate's death and still be within the show canon you know? Neal can be so impulsive and passionate I'm sure he'd have quite a reaction though how it would be expressed is interesting.

I just was so taken with Neal's plight - I was wondering what happened to him after it ends -- like if he got counseling, if he was in bad enough shape for short term hospitalization, or if he was mostly ok and just had friends as keepers around him, or any other possibility :) You just let me wanting more - not that it doesn't have a lovely ending :)

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Shoo, shoo! Don't give me plot bunnies! They are already running wild as it is, the beasties ;P I don't know what it is about this show that just keeps breeding the things...

I think I might write a time stamp to it, a little coda. I have one more scene in my mind that came after that, there just was no way to make it a part of the fic without breaking the flow, the atmosphere.

[photoash.livejournal.com]

<3 Yay on more! :D

I know what you mean about this show and bunnies!! I have all these ideas but I have yet to actually finish writing any of them :(

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Before this show, I haven't written anything in ages. Literally years. Wait, no, a few shorties for Riptide but that was it. But Peter and Neal, they just appeal to me on so many levels... I started with mini drabbles - like 50 words of an idea - and drabbles, it helped me get into the writing mood. I'm still no good with longer fics ;P

awww

[olivia-sutton.livejournal.com]

Awww - that was so good, very atmospheric. I liked it.
--Olivia

Re: awww

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Thank you :) I'm glad that I set the mood right!

[lemmealone.livejournal.com]

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw. *wibble* You BROKE him.

...Do it again. ;)

[katikat.livejournal.com]

I love breaking Neal. He just suffers so nicely ;P

Hehe, I've two more fics - one waiting for a beta - where I broke the poor thing. The bunnies breed like crazy!

You break it, you bought it...

[amycat1959.livejournal.com]

If you're gonna break Neal, you've got to put him back together again, okay? (Bonus points if you get Peter and El to do the "putting back together" stuff!)

Oh, and will you please *finish* the other story first, the one where you left poor Neal tied up and getting cut by an Evil Villain who's using him to get back at Burke for something??? :-(

[lefaym.livejournal.com]

Very bittersweet. I love the way Peter takes care of Neal.

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It was my "let's hurt Neal" phase ;P