Ficlet: Last Resort - Supernatural

[katikat]

Title: Last Resort
Fandom: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, G, Angst
Characters: Sam, Dean
Words: ~400
Spoilers: None
Summary: I'm scared of spending eternity all alone...
Beta: yami_tai *smooch*
Notes: So, I was feeling rather down when I wrote this...

Sam looks up and notices Dean sitting by their motel room's window, turned halfway away from Sam, running his fingers over a sheet of paper on the table in front of him. Curious, Sam cranes his neck to see what it is because Dean seems rather preoccupied… And the breath catches in his throat.

It's a page from a calendar Dean obviously stole in some diner or motel room or whatever. It states April in bold letters on the top, listing the days in neat rows and columns. April, the last month of Dean's life. The line of days growing shorter for Dean every morning.

"Dean…" Sam whispers, his voice breaking.

His brother doesn't look at him, his eyes still glued to the calendar page, maybe even to the last day. "You know, I always hoped that there'll be nothing after death. Nothing at all, absence of worry and pain and fear…" he says softly. "I know that some people hope for heaven or for an afterlife. All I ever wanted was closure, the ultimate ending, termination of existence. I just wanted to be done, once and for all…"

Sam can't stand the pain in Dean's voice and so he gets up and moves towards his brother, his feet padding softly on the surprisingly clean carpet.

"I'm scared, Sammy," Dean admits, visibly wilting in front of Sam's eyes. "I'm scared of spending eternity all alone."

Sam touches Dean's shoulder lightly and when his brother doesn't flinch away, he pulls Dean into a tight hug from behind.

And that's when he notices it, the Colt hidden under the calendar page and his breath hitches in his throat once more, this time in understanding.

Dean touches the gun with his tanned fingers, then he covers it with his palm and shudders. "If the Crossroads Demon was right, I can't do it myself, Sammy. I can't blow my brains out without taking you with me." He leaves his words hanging heavily in the air for a moment. "Please, promise me…"

"Dean," Sam interrupts him.

"Promise me," Dean continues as if Sam hasn't spoken at all, "that you won't let me… exists there... alone. Do it for me, Sammy. Please."

Hot tears sting in Sam's eyes and he has to blink rapidly to push them back. He can feel his brother shiver feverishly, he knows what it must have cost him to say it, to open up like that and lay his soul bare.

Sam covers Dean's fingers and the Colt that bestows oblivion with his right hand, squeezing gently. "As a last resort. I promise," he rasps and he feels himself dying inside bit by bit with every word he speaks.

The End

Comments

[lilbabiangel888.livejournal.com]

Dean's fear must be so acute now that they're nearing the last few months of his life. *hugz Dean*

But one question, what does Dean mean when he says I can't blow my brains out without taking you with me? Is he asking Sam to accompany him to hell? Hmm, that would make sense given this line, 'Promise me...that you won't let me… exists there... alone. Do it for me, Sammy. Please.'. It just seems ooc if Dean wants Sam to die as well, since he had made the deal so Sam could live

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Nope :) He himself can't do anything to save his soul because, as the Crossroads Demon said, that would result in Sam keeling over XD But if Sam kills Dean... And since the Colt basically erases the being killed from existence, no heaven or hell or earth, Dean won't be alone, he will just cease to exist, like he wanted :)

[lilbabiangel888.livejournal.com]

oh ic now
very nice

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Aha, I used the wrong word. I fixed it so it should be more understandable now. Thank you for pointing it out to me :)

[layne67.livejournal.com]

Poor Dean. I'm thinking of what he said to Sam in 'Crotoan', that he was tired, and wanted everything to be over. And now he has to face eternity in hell. He had a hard life, and now apparently his afterlife is going to be hard, too ( understatement ). Yes, poor, poor Dean.

I'm wondering, how much longer does Dean has, canon-wise? Is it one month, like you said?

[katikat.livejournal.com]

I think it's finally catching up with him that he exchanged one year with Sam for an eternity without him and I think that will be the real hell for him...

Hehe, I chose their filming schedule as the time table :) Though I hope that we will see the solution of Dean's deal in the finale *crosses fingers*

[lostandalone22.livejournal.com]

Nice story!

[katikat.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)